On the NYE, I stood alone in the balcony of my hotel room watching the countdown. I had once again decided to prioritise work above everything else. I did not go home or see my family. I did not take a vacation. Instead, I decided to cancel/postpone vacation for a month so everyone else could continue with their lives.
I looked back at the year and realised – how many mistakes I had made last year (and in the last few yesteryears). I had let work consume me. It has consumed my health and my relationship. I have tried to become healthy over the last year but it has been a series of starts and stops. In the entire year of struggles, the net result is that I have lost 32lbs. I have almost destroyed my relationship to the point where my partner has just packed his bags and left (and very soon into the next year I would learn never to come back).
I realised that I have been scared of losing my job in this economy, and therefore, I have kept digging myself deeper and deeper into a hole. The promises from the superiors made for success have not materialized. They have realised that I am a person who will never say no. I will keep doing work.
As the fireworks starts over the harbour, I promise myself that I will make changes this year. I will focus on myself and my life. Work is a big part of my life and it does define me, but it cannot be the only thing that defines me. I have to be more than my work. I will request that things change from work perspective so I can balance other parts of my life.
However, as the year clock turns into the new year, and keeps turning 360 degrees, I realise that in many ways it may be too late. I may have become the person of my worst nightmare. The person who has become so consumed with work that they have lost everything else, and some things, may be, forever.